My nephew Boris was in the pub last night with his mates Alfie and Spider.
"Your round" says Alfie.
"I'm skint" says Boris, "That new credit card really messed me up. I didn't realise you had to pay full price for everythink. I thought 23% APR was the discount you got on stuff you bought."
"So did I," says Spider. Alfie turns pale.
"I'm fousands in debt now," Boris continues, "the Benefits Office said I need insolvency help. I told 'em I don't sniff glue any more."
"If you got money troubles, or you're in debt and need help, you can get one of them Involuntary Contribution Loans, can't you?" says Alfie ordering a drink for himself.
"That's IVA," says Harry the barman putting a pint on the bar.
"Oi! I ordered lager!" says Alfie.
"No! IVA!" says Harry, "It means Individual Voluntary Arrangement. You add up all your debts and offer to pay off a bit a week."
"But that's only for mortgages and car loans, innit?" says Boris. "I live wiv my mum so I'm rent free, and I bought my car on the never-never. Never told 'em where I lived and never paid for it!"
"You need a financial advisor to help you work out a IVA." says Harry. Try Mr Goldstein who runs the Pawn Shop across the way."
"I can't go in there!" says Boris.
"Why not?" someone asks.
"I cheated him once." says Boris, "I once pawned my mum's engagement ring, and never went back for it!"
"You know whose fault all this credit crunch is, don't you?" says Spider.
They all wait for him to say.
"That Gordon Brown!"
"Which one's he?" growls Boris, clenching his fists and looking round the pub menacingly.